did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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