I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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