I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Rumble strips road head = magical
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
