Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
