you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
