I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
