so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
