Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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