Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
