did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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