The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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