hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
