Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize