i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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