I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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