You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
