His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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