I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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