The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
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i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
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Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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