So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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