Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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