Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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