I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
