I am in a vortex of obligation.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
