The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
