He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
