I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
