I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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