Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
