This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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