just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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