I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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