90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
