hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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