capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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