So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
