I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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