laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
