And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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