My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he told me I talked like a deaf person
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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