What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I need moral support for this bender
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
