3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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