oh god the rape fog is back!
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
