with your own penis?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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