dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
