i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
