I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize