BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
