Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
