You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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