id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
