you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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