Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
you never un-have a 4some
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
