Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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