Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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