Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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