They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
