we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize