I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
