The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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