I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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