i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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