yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
