Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
