Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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