I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Success! We fucked roommates!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
