id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
