The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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