i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
