So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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