Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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