you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
