yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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