I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
