We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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