i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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