The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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