hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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