WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
