I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
