Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i now understand why vodka
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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