You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
