I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
