if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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