So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
