Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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