HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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