I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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